Friday, February 27, 2009

Bad Habits...

So those of you who have traveled with me, or who have lived with me (i.e. Robyn, Stacy and Jeremy) know that I have a deep routed problem. This is a problem which has existed since I was a very young child. It has caused me a lifetime of difficulties. Thankfully, I have no trouble being open and honest about the issue.

I walk and talk in my sleep. a lot.

Let me recount three times in history when this has caused some problems:
#1. I was quite young and on a trip with my grandparents to their place in Florida. My sister and I were sharing a room. In the middle of the night I sat up, at attention, and began to wail. I then began to repeat, "I don't want to hurt the team over there". My grandparents came running into the room, thinking there was something wrong. I was inconsolable. I was distraught. I just did not want to hurt the team over there. (no, I have no idea what this means either). My grandpa told me over and over again "Simmer down...this is a condo, you will wake others in the building", but I was persistent. After about 10 minutes I simply lay back down and closed my eyes. Out. Morning came. I had no recollection of said occurrence. None. Other than my sister's account of the incident.

#2. College. Now Stacy and I lived together for 5 years, but there were a few times in there when other people lived with us as well. There was one such semester when we lived with a certain member of the flag team (I think that's what it’s called). Every day, like clockwork, she awoke at 4am to twirl her flag with the band. Now, if you have never lived with me you also may not know that I am not a morning person. In fact, it is wise to stay away and not try talking to me for the first 30 minutes of my awake state. Therefore, when she woke at 4am every day, I was not a happy camper. One day, I had clearly had enough as I stood from my bed (no, I was not allowed to be on the top bunk due to my 'condition'), walked over to her, pounded on the wall adjacent to her, and then put my hands to her neck. I awoke with Stacy screaming at me saying, get away! She was also laughing pretty hard. I'm certain that I meant no harm, and I remember only the portion where I was so rudely awakened by Stacy. Needless to say, this roommate moved out of our room quite quickly after the incident.

#3. Last night. 2:14 am. I awake, startled. I am cold and clammy. I look down, I am naked. I can't find my clothes. I don't know why I am naked. I went to bed fully clothed in my very sexy snowflake flannel pants and matching snowflake long sleeve shirt. Now, at 2:14 in the morning, they are gone. Where are they? I don't know. Jeremy wakes up - looks at me - asks what is wrong, and I reply, "its 2:14 and I'm naked and I don't know why". I am a bit freaked out and he starts laughing so hard he almost fell off the bed. I guess it’s not too often that you awake to hear, "It's 2:14, I'm naked and I don't know why" and are not sitting in the common room of a sorority house.

That is my problem. Maybe someday I'll work on a solution. For now, I'll just try to remain clothed.

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

I lied....


There may be one element more important than the tasting, in preparing me for the big day. MY BACHELORETTE PARTY! In an attempt not to bore you to death I will break it out in to several portions:

#1 in college we played this fabulous game called high/low where we had to recount the best and worst portions of our day. I will reenact this in bachelorette party form.
#2 poetry

#3 song. Okay, I may skip the song.

First and foremost, the world's biggest thank you goes out to Debra and Robyn for planning what was, the single most fun weekend of my life. Hands down. No comparison. Best weekend ever for many reasons. You two are amazing, I cannot thank you enough.

HIGH/LOW GAME:

High: Getting into the car on my way to Brainerd to be met by Jen Duerre and accessories galore, including a bachelorette sash, devil veil, Hottie whistle and pink feather boa. I was then instructed that I was to wear all such items all the way up to Brainerd, including into the SA where we stopped for gas. And while eating my Jimmy Johns. I think I consumed more pink feathers than the FDA recommends.

Low: Serious stomach ache from accidental feather consumption.

High: Arriving at our cabins, being greeted by Robyn, Debra and Rachel who had decorated the cabin to the nines. This included Jeremy’s face taped on over the artwork (as seen below), streamers, balloons, food galore, and a decked out bedroom!

Low: We sat down and proceeded to consume more baked Cheetos than the FDA recommends.

High: World's best night: dinner with everyone, including my mom, Penny Glassman and Pennie Shapiro! We then came back to the cabins and played 'the Newlywed game' with questions they had previously asked Jeremy.

Low: I was wrong about what Jeremy sleeps in and ALI WAS RIGHT!!!!

High: my friends know me! As a part of the game, my friends and family were asked to bring one of my favorite things under $10. I received about 5 cow things, many high fiber items, several things relating to the crock pot, many packages of gum, fat free Redi Whip ...they absolutely know my favorite things!

Low: I laughed so hard, my face is still aching.

High: Staying up late and talking with Stacy until morning came.

Low: Being ridiculously exhausted because I stayed up till dawn chatting with Stacy.

High: SATURDAY! Day started with a delicious breakfast, followed by a salt scrub and massage at the spa. Tough life eh!?

Low: Still a bit sore from the amazing massage.

High: Jen Duerre who chatted it up with the pull tab lady and found out about Greg Allman and his wife who charter a bus to take people to bars for the price of $10/person! THANK YOU JEN AND GREG, AND GREG'S WIFE! Seriously, out of the goodness of their hearts these people run this inexpensive charter service to keep people who have been drinking off their roads. I'm still thinking of writing to Oprah about them.

Low: Apparently the driver's name was Larry, but I accidentally called him Greg Allman because that was the name that displayed on the radio, apparently it was the artist of the song. Not the driver's name. Sorry Greg/Larry.

High: Saturday night. The 'bachelorette' drink which Rachel named. The pickle factory, where they gave me a souvenir tee shirt. Zorbas where we danced the night away, and where I was given a chair dance courtesy of some Brainerd locals. See photos for my facial expression. Note: I once had a friend from Blake who suggested I should try to be less expressive with my facial movements because I would wind up with wrinkles. Bring on the wrinkles.

Low: At Zorbas, for the low, low price of $2.00 per person you can try to hammer a nail into a giant tree stump with one swing, and race another as they try to do the same. Apparently Jewish girls are not good at hammering a nail into a giant tree stump. Whomever thought of that activity, seriously, gold mine.

High: The stuffed rabbit Ali won for me at the bar, and the two bouncy balls which Debra won.

Low: I'm sorry you lost your pants Kate.

Poem:

There was this girl getting married
Her options to celebrate were varied
She decided she just wanted to relax
As life could be quite a tax
She told her sister and friend
I think we should start a new trend
Lets rent a little place
and have some treatments to our face
Lets relax and play
And sit and lay

11 women ventured out
Robyn and Debra charted the route
They laughed for two days straight
You have no idea how much they ate
They baked cookies shaped like a certain part
They shared a bit of their heart

The weekend ended too soon
Kara was not ready for it to be noon
She rode home and thought
How was she so lucky for this lot
She was just so happy she said
What a wonderful life ahead

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

THE TASTING!

This past Monday we took an important step in becoming bride and groom - husband and wife. We are one important step closer to this union.
Getting our wedding license? No
Finishing marriage counseling? Nope
Picking up rings? Nada

THE WEDDING FOOD TASTING!
That's right, Monday evening we went to the Westin to complete our food tasting and let me tell you it was fabulous. First, they treat you like royalty. You feel like you are hosting a $10 million event at their venue (although it is close) and that you are one step away from Barak Obama. They had our names posted in the hotel, we entered into a perfectly set room with red, white and champagne glasses. Appetizers awaited our entrance. It was perfect.

In the spirit of holding nothing back...except for the bride and groom's surprise entree...let me entice you.
We started with ahi tuna spooney thingies that were a little spicy and a lot delicious. We then tried Cesar and another type of salad inside Parmesan cups (amazing!). Finally, we tried the mini beef Wellington's. Which, clearly, due to my employer - we had to have - but they were also phenomenal!!!

We moved on to appetizer/salad. Now when you go to a wedding or any other event, you always start out with the same boring soup or blah salad. Therefore, we said we'd try the salads but really wanted something different, more of a starter rather than soup or salad. Salad was fine, but we were right - the 'starter' is much better. And, dinner will be late, so there will be something there when you sit down that will be more substantial, and delicious if I do say so myself. So...no salad - starter instead! I like to break rules.

Dinner....the fillet with mashed potatoes and asparagus is awesome, the vegetarian roasted red pepper pasta is outstanding, and the bride and groom's choice is just PERFECT! You will love it! If you're nervous to order it, I promise, it is something the vast majority of people will LOVE.

We also tasted the various wines, which will not disappoint. I hope it is as good as it was for the tasting, no promises, but I have high hopes. The wait staff is awesome, I wanted to take the head wait person home with me - she was just adorable!

Now that's what I'm talkin about...now we're ready to get married!

FOOD - CHECK!

Monday, February 16, 2009

Meet Lizzy

We have learned that what we call Punky's cone is really called an Elizabethan Collar. Therefore, I have nicknamed it: her friend Lizzy. Punk and Lizzy have learned to be quite good friends. We have decided that Punky would be a poster child for animals with disabilities. She was sad at first, allowed herself to go through the grieving process of living with a giant cone on her head (Lizzy), and is now back to her old self. I believe she has resigned to the fact that she will just live the rest of her life with Lizzy on her head and that is how it will be. No real need for peripheral vision. No real need for exiting doors without knocking into them. Nope, she is adaptable, and therefore will just move on with life. Seriously, we could all learn a little something from Punky's attitude. She has even embraced it and developed new games with Lizzy....





As you see in these photos, she throws her bone into the collar and then flings her head up in the air to throw the bone up in the air, and then it lands again inside of Lizzy. She's just brilliant. And a survivor. Little does she know, Lizzy will be leaving us on Wednesday, lets hope she does not go through the grieving process again after losing her new buddy.

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Sad Punky Report

I am a horrible mother. And I have a dog with downy fur. Downy fur is the really soft type of fur that is cuddley and cozy, but also matts down really easily. I also hate those matts and think it makes me look like a neglagint mother. On Tuesday night Jeremy decided that he would try to wash and deep condition Punky to see if he could brush out some of the matts before her haircut appointment on Saturday. Well, what seemed like a good idea turned into a disastrous mess when it caused all of her fur to matt uncontrollably and become one giant knot. Now, if you are not a dog owner, then I must fill you in that once you have washed a dog, they turn into a wild wolf like creature. They run wildly making strange grumbling noiese, rub against things, roll, bark - its quite odd. However, if I was picked up, undressed and thrown into a sink full of water I think I might react similarly.

We tried to brush, as she did her wildabeast impression, but brushing just did not cut it. So, I took out the grooming sissors. I cut out a few knots and had one left I needed to cut. However, I accidentally took her with me, and cut her too. She shreaked, I cried, she got over it and I kept crying and freaking out. We took her to the emergency vet where she recieved local anesthetic and stitches - along with a giant cone on her head so she didn't lick it. I stabbed my poor baby. Now she's pissed at me. For 2 days, she's been moping around, not interested in playing with me - showing some serious attitude towards her assailant. This has left me feeling like the world's worst person. Our dog walker, vet and groomer have all tried consoling me - but I'm not kidding me, the dog is mad at me.

This is not good. Feeling very sad. I didn't mean to hurt her! Or make her look like a fool with that giant cone on her head. I have a habbit of baking when I'm stressed, needless to say I baked brownies for my office and cupcakes for our dog walker and Jeremy last night.

Monday, February 9, 2009

Jeremy's bachelor party

This post needs no words. I will simply post the photos taken by Josh Isaacs of Jeremy at his bachelor party, where they decided to visit the shooting range. I am currently wetting my pants laughing.

I will simply plagiarize Josh' subtitles.


Jewish Reservior Dogs



Arizona has very relaxed gun laws



This one needs no caption

Friday, February 6, 2009

Linens - wooo hoooo

I have come to realize that my life has become one big checklist:
1. call linen place
2. pick up cut program cards
3. Return program card fasteners because they dont work
4. find new program fasteners
5. sleep
6. eat
7. gym
8. work
9. call florist

Yep, one big checklist. This week, we were able to check off linens. And, in record time. I had an idea of what I wanted, though it was not what the florist wanted. We had our choice of the standard ivory, or pale green linens. Now, as we all know from the green invitation debaucle, I don't like green. If it is possible that there is a color that is so offensive to you that it just doesn't feel good on your eyes, that is green to me. I don't eat green candy (though that is influenced by my mother who also does not). Skittles, we skip the green, I used to go to the store and get the bulk gummy bears because I could pick out the green ones, no green M&M's ...we don't like green. Therefore, when the florist said we should use the green over the ivory - my mom and I bough scrunched our noses and said..."really, uh, no".

To make things a bit easier we went to the Westin and picked up a napkin in each of the linen colors before we made our way to the linen store. To save money we thought we would use their standard linens and dress them up with something over. Something not green. We went to the store, and he informed us that the Westin's green is just "Totally unworkable" - PROBLEM SOLVED. I told the florist that it was, "Totally unworkable" - and I got my wish of ivory linens.

We picked out a chocolate brown, sheer striped overlay - which I think is very cool. It is square so it will have squared edges on the table - which I also like. The linen man liked me quite a bit because I choose the first thing he showed us, and was in and out, with a contract signed in less than 15 minutes. If you haven't gathered this yet, I am a very decisive person!

Linens - check!

This weekend: JEREMY'S BACHELLOR PARTY IN SCOTTSDALE! A coworker of mine told me about a bar for little people that they intend to visit. Hmm....should be an interestin weekend.

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Invitation clarification


If you have gotten your invitation and are confused about the food choices...then you haven't been paying attention :-) Just kidding. This is the deal.

Now I try not to be boring, spice things up, keep them exciting, so why have boring meal options!? No, no, no. You have exciting options.

You have the always good, animal centric, vegetarian option.

You have the fantastic McCormick and Schmick's steak which should prove to be fabulous.

OR...you have the SURPRISE option. And don't even try asking. We won't tell you what it is. 4 people know, and they are Jeremy, myself, my mom and dad. And they have all been sworn to secrecy. It's a surprise. Are you a risk taker? Are you an adventurer? Or do you play it safe? Know your odds and go that route? This is a choice which is up to you. I can tell you this, it is something we would like. That means it will not involve the following:
mayonnaise, creamy sauce of any kind, lots of butter, tuna...so I'm sure there are other dislikes, but there are a few which it is not.

If you like to take risks, go for it. Worst that happens, you eat blizzards and cake all night - those odds are not half bad.

Monday, February 2, 2009

Where has the time gone

Big thanks to my Dad for being my 'Liaison to the federal government'. That means he stood at the post office for me and hand cancelled all the friggin invitations. Maybe I should give everyone who has helped me official titles.

Jeremy: Secretary to the Chief
Robyn: Resident Mediator/Director of mental health services
Beth: Chief chocolate expert/Director of Food
Jay: Liaison to the Federal Government
Debra: Director of Operational Effectiveness
Melissa: Marketing director
Stacy: Personal council
Penny Glassman: Director of vision management
Art Glassman: Project executor
Penny Shapiro: Idea generator

I like them. They have a nice ring to them. I'm thinking I should consider revising the program to reflect the promotions. Did I mention I am a project manager?!

I have had a special request for a Punky report so here goes:
We have switched her from lamb variety to chicken successfully without causing a problem with the "Fecal consumption".

I am thinking of getting her a dress for the wedding. Even though everyone says she can't be in the wedding, she can still sit at Petsmart with a cute dress on. Come on people - its the day she becomes a legitimate child! This is big stuff!

She was given some greenies last week by a coworker of mine, but her daddy made us throw them away because he thought they were too small and she would choke on them. It actually came out as "We wouldn't want my bugaboo to chokey on the greenies..." But no, it wasn't sung, rather it was stated this time.