Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Dance, Dance Shake your Booty, Dance, Dance

Now, you don't even need to know me/us very well to know the answer to this question. If you have ever visited a dance club, bar, ridden in the car with me, been in a sorority with me, or listened to music with either one of us you know that we are severely deficient in two areas. SONG AND DANCE.

Now, if there are two more tone deaf and uncoordinated people, I'd like to meet them. (Weinblatt's excluded) Debra in particular has a great aversion to my song and dance, and truly, I don't blame her. The problem is, when I hear it in my head - it sounds quite good - I sound the same as the people on the radio. HOWEVER, I know that in fact, that is not true. I know that I clearly have a hearing problem, and I do trust those around me. I know that I take tone deaf and uncoordinated to a whole new level. What is it, right brain, left brain, whatever that musically capable portion of your brain is, and mine is clearly on lock down. Never to be used. Nope, I will wallow in the wake of the musically incapable forever.

This leads us to a problem. In case you haven't heard, Jeremy and I are getting married. We are getting married in 30 days in fact. PROBLEM! Weddings require dance. Thank g-d they don't require song or I'd be doomed to remain unmarried for the rest of my life. Dance, we can maybe try to remedy that one, maybe.

Enter - dance lessons. Jeremy and I arrive Monday evening for our dance lessons. Now I must preface that I am so bad at the aforementioned activities that even entering a dance studio made me so nervous I was shaking. We met the instructor and the word vomit began. I started telling him that I can't dance, and I can't sing, and that I can barely walk, in fact its a miracle I didn't fall on my face while walking up the steps. Jeremy gave me the, "Okay Kara, this man does not care" look and I shut up, and looked at the ground. We meekly wandered on to the faux wood 'dance floor' in the middle of an old office building. We stand there waiting, I'm not sure what we thought we were waiting for. I thought we were waiting for him to say, "1,2,3,4 - now show me your best tap dance or something". I think Jeremy was thinking, "Okay, it's now 5:35, that means we only have 55 minutes left, then we can go home, make dinner, play with the dog, oh look, now only 54 minutes left."

We wait, (I have no idea what this guy is doing but he is digging in some back room while we stand, silent on the 'dance floor'). He appears and we play him our 3 selected first dance options. Again, my eyes glued to the floor I await judgment. While I have no musical abilities, I have also avoided music at all costs and thus have little musical affinity. He seems to like all three, and we begin.

FIRST STEP: Move your feet left, then right, left then right - side to side. Easy right? I cannot seem to keep up with them and wind up looking like I am running in place. Let's move on to step two.

STEP TWO: Walk backwards while Jeremy pushes me. I barely manage to remain standing. How is this all going to work? The wedding's off. This won't work.

STEP THREE: Step back, two, three, side two three. I cannot look anywhere but the ground, and cannot talk to anyone but just have to count to myself (1,2,1,2,1,2).

You would think there would be many more complicated steps right; after all, this is the first of four hour long sessions. Nope, that took us an hour. Jeremy did fairly well; though he takes too big of steps and I can't keep up (he always walks too fast!) I, just about fell on my face several times, and looked like a giant idiot all of the times. I'm not sure if there is hope for me. Jeremy swears we made progress. I think he made progress, I looked like a fool. Who started this whole first dance tradition anyways? They clearly were not a Weinblatt.

We left the studio after the instructor let us know that if we thought we needed it, we could add a fifth lesson (read: there is no way in hell you will not look like a giant idiot unless you take a fifth lesson). He then proceeded to watch me walk out, I think he now agreed, it would be a miracle if I didn't fall flat on my face while just walking out of his studio.


Abby said...

I have no words right now. I am sitting at my desk/cube absolutely hysterical right now! I love the in depth descriptions :) I cannot wait to witness the progress that both you and Jer make on April 4!! xo

Debra Fiterman said...

i am dying. usually i can do my dail blog crawl without my coworkers knowing i'm goofing around. not today. maybe they just think that my generational research is particularly hilarious today. cannot WAIT to see this in person.

Natalie Lembeck said...

I'm a little confused because I've know Jer for quite a few years and I've seen some sweet moves from him over time. Although, now that I think about it - I've really only seen him do things like the sprinkler and the shopping cart...I'd love to see that make an appearance on the big day! Good luck with the rest of the lessons - Sam and I start in two weeks! Can't wait to celebrate with you guys!

Kara Frank said...

You are all in for a real treat. PLEASE DON'T LAUGH!

Anonymous said...

a tap dance floor is a floor that absorbs shocks giving it a softer feel.

Anonymous said...

a tap dance floor is a floor that absorbs shocks giving it a softer feel.