Last night we took a trip to Costco. Costco....land of
a. Expensive Cars
b. Old people
c. Jewish people
d. People who do not need 17 pounds of trail mix
e. People who, regardless, still insist on buying 17 pounds of trail mix because it a 'good deal'
f. expensive car accidents due to A. and B.
g. Delicious hot dogs.
We visited Costco because we were in search of a Dyson. This is a sign I am getting old. When I was younger I used to lust after designer handbags and shoes, save up for a video game system, ipod, cd player etc... Now, at the ripe old age of 25, I lust after a vacuum. Not just any vacuum. But THE vacuum. The Dyson. Every week we look in the paper for a sale, count up our gift cards from the wedding to see if they work anywhere that has one, we try to find 10% off coupons and justify the purchase of a $450 vacuum. So far, justification has not yet surfaced. However, yesterday, we thought it might be the day. After months of research we found that Costco had the best deal.
Thankfully, you do not need to buy 84 Dyson's at Costco, just one, and it comes with all of the attachments. Therefore, we made the trek to Costco to visit our dream in real life. There it stood. Purple glowing. HEPA filtration abounding, Unlimited suction power. The strength of an ox. We take a moment to pause in vacuum euphoria. Here it is, the object of my affection. The Dyson.
We view it. We decide to walk around the store and think some more about it. This is a huge decision. This is a $450 vacuum. We walk away from the magical Dyson. Jeremy leading with the cart, I turn my head to get one last glance at the gleaning, magical machine. We walk away. In our heightened state of euphoria brought on by vacuum appreciation, we enter the fruit aisle. We separate. Jeremy walks towards the apples, I walk towards the pineapple. We reunite. I find my husband with three lonely apple pears in the cart. I begin to laugh.
Kara: Jeremy- uh, this is not the grocery, you cannot just pick out three. You need to buy the entire flat of them.
Jeremy: Well it said, 'price per pound'
Kara: Let me see...
Kara: laughing, laughing, pause from the laughter to spit out...Jeremy, that is telling you the price per pound as a reference. At Costco you cannot break open the packages and just take the amount you would like.
Jeremy: No, I swear I can.
Kara: No, I really think you cannot. We can buy the whole container.
Jeremy: No, I don't want them all. (pouting walks away)
But wouldn't it be so nice. I don't want 17 pounds of trail mix, I just want a cup - I'll just rip open this bag here and take out a cup. Nope.
Vacuum euphoria lead to misdirected sense of reality.
To make a long story short, we left the store with neither a Dyson nor Apple Pears. We just couldn't bite the bullet. Hoover, you will have to keep chugging along until you can be ousted by your superior younger sibling Dyson. But for now, you will remain our vacuum. But watch your back. Any day now - you may be headed to vacuum heaven. The place where vacuums with broken cords, depleted suction and wheels that wont turn go.