Thursday, February 17, 2011

Novice Homeowners

My husband and I have been dorm/apartment/condo dwellers for a very long time, and therefore, this whole home maintenance thing is all new to us. And yes...I do work in property management for a living, but it is different when you can just "Call the right guys to fix the problem". And I have a lot of those guys. But now, when its my house, and my money, and my space, it's different. We have to attempt to fix things ourselves. Attempt.

For example: we have had a somewhat makeshift dog potty area in our back yard all winter. Due to a summer and fall full of construction, our house has very little grass. The snow fell shortly after construction was completed, and we no longer saw the sad state of our yard. Hidden amidst 8000 feet of snow until Spring.

So, we have been taking the dogs out on the side of the house to an area we have covered with mulch as there is no grass. This worked well all winter as the ground was frozen and everything stayed firmly in place.

Well this past weekend...temperatures skyrocketed from -25 degrees up to 40 degrees. This left us with a soupy backyard, doggy doo doo mess.

And so...on the eve of Valentines day, my valentine took me to Home Depot to find a solution. (We also had dinner and a lovely evening...and then on to Home Depot to solve the soupy, poopy mess)

We wandered the aisles looking for something we could put down that would allow the dogs to walk and pee, as well as remain clean and dry.

Astro-turf? No, as the ground continues to thaw, the turf will sink and fill with mud.

Plywood? Nope, slivers

Outdoor rug? Quite expensive considering it will be used for pee

Gigantic piece of rigid foam insulation? YES!
We will take one of those. Jeremy carried this gigantic piece of insulation, approximately 7 times the size of himself, through the Home Depot store to the cash register. We pay, and walk out the store, knocking down two displays as we go with this enormous board in tow.
We arrive at the car, ready to place our purchase in the vehicle. Problem. Gigantic piece of foam is too large for the car. We both look at the foam, look at the car, look at the foam, look at the car. We consider walking it home as we live quite close, and decide, nope, it is too cold, we are driving this thing home.

However, it is 8:55 and Home Depot closes at 9:00pm.
Jeremy looks at me and takes off running, shouting: "I've got to go and get some twine"
And then I am left, standing next to a giant piece of foam board, in the parking lot of Home Depot, alone, staring in the distance at this...
That tiny spec in the doorway is Jeremy, running like crazy to find twine before they close.

He returns, and explains that he could not find twine in the time allowed, so he bought Duct Tape. Yes, duct tape. We are going to tape this foam on to our brand new car. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
So we Duct Tape the gigantic piece of foam to the car, not considering the aerodynamics of such a plan.
As it turns out a gigantic piece of foam, taped on to your car, on a windy evening, leads to some problems in transport. I spend the next 10 minutes of the car ride home hanging out the window of the car, desperately trying to keep this piece of foam from flying off the car and onto some unsuspecting person behind us, who cannot figure out why we purchased a big piece of foam. Just 1 piece of foam.

10 minutes and several breaks(due to frozen fingers trying to hold foam to the car) later we arrive home, quite proud of our MacGyver like ways. We wrangle the enormous piece of foam into our house, and out the back door to its resting place in the doggy doo doo area. We set it down, the size is perfect.

Jeremy leases up the puppy, Stanley, and takes him out to test our our plan. Stan pees, and Jeremy starts to scream.
I run over, and he looks at me and says, "Did you ever consider that insulation is waterproof and that is why it is insulation?" as the pee dribbles around atop the insulation like a river running towards his shoes.

Woops. Guess we have a bit more learning to do in the Homeowner category.


Scorpicon said...

I'd imagine that paving stones with holes in them would allow for both stability and proper drainage. And it could look pretty.

Mel said...

You could try roll-out rubber mulch.

C Bott said...

I could not stop laughing! Hilarious!

Debra Fiterman said...

I am currently in hysterics. Funniest blog ever. This tops dance classes.

Natalie said...

O.M.G. Amazing! I am almost crying. Your life never ceases to entertain me!