Monday, February 25, 2013


Whilst wandering the halls of the hospital, I found a book for Mollie.

It's a book I thought her father would want her to own.

And read every day.

And memorize.

I Can Be Safe: A first look at safety.

And...I was correct. The book is on order.

Friday, February 22, 2013

The blog I didn't want to write

I didn't want to write this blog post.

I didn't want to be in this situation.

I didn't think I wanted to share the last week of our lives.

And then I realized that I have shared every moment of the last 4 years of my life on here, so it would be disingenuous to leave out this chapter. And Jeremy told me I needed to do it. Maybe he thought it would be therapeutic for me.

As I mentioned previously, Mollie got sick at daycare. We took her to the urgent care. She was diagnosed with RSV, a common virus in children.

We stayed home with her at the end of last week while she recuperated. And then the recuperation turned into horror.

We put Mollie to bed on Friday night per usual. At 9:30pm she awoke screaming. This is not typical for her. Jeremy ran into her room and she was screaming uncontrollably and gasping. We made the quick decision to take her to Children's hospital to be evaluated as she was clearly struggling. Mollie is a very happy baby and doesn't tend to scream without cause. We knew something was terribly wrong.

We got into the ER and they checked her oxygen levels. They sat in the low 70's. A healthy baby's oxygen should be around 100. The doctor informed us that she 'bought herself a bed due to her oxygen levels" and that we were not going anywhere any time soon. She was admitted to the hospital that night and hooked up to oxygen and IV immediately.

We assumed we would be released on Saturday morning after she got some fluids and oxygen. We were wrong. RSV peaks on days 5 and 6 which for her were Saturday and Sunday. Mollie's condition got worse before it got better. We sat in the hospital for a day watching our baby get worse.
There is no worse feeling as a parent.
Your baby is struggling and there is nothing you can do.

By Sunday night, things were looking better and I felt confident they would release us from the hospital. I was wrong.
We were in the hospital for 4 days.
Mollie smiled through her hospitalization for 4 days.
We were stuck inside a tiny hospital room for 4 days as Mollie was on "droplet precaution". Droplet precaution means quarantine. My tiny baby was quarantined in her room because her virus was highly contagious.
Visitors were not allowed due to the flu outbreak. Only parents and grandparents were allowed.
We were trapped in a room watching our baby, and getting to know the other patients on the floor.
And, by getting to know, I mean watching them and making up stories about why we thought they were there.
Our friends entertained us by playing texting games like 20 questions with us.
We made up songs and danced around her room to entertain her. And ourselves.
My parents sat by our side through the whole thing. They entertained us, comforted us, fed us and helped us maintain some sanity.

After 4 long days of oxygen, nebulizers, IV's, Chest X-rays, catheters and nasal suctions...we were released.

I am not sharing this story for pity. Mollie is fine. She is better than fine. She is smiling and happy and has no idea what happened to her. She just thinks that she went somewhere where she got a ton of attention for 4 days and occasionally they did really annoying things to her.

I am sharing this story because Mollie, at her sickest, was the healthiest baby on that floor of the hospital. We walked out the door, carrying her 'Get Well Soon' balloon, knowing that we would likely never return.
Most of the children on her floor were admitted for a very long time. They were very sick. They would leave that hospital, and return again soon.We are lucky. We are incredibly lucky. Our baby is healthy, she got a little virus which took her down for a couple of days, she recovered and is doing great.
Many of the other children on that floor are not as lucky.
And that is haunting me.
We are fortunate to live in a community with an amazing Children's hospital.
If you also feel lucky for your healthy baby, please consider supporting this hospital and the important work that they do.
Children's Hospital of Minneapolis

I think we have had enough scares for a while. Jeremy is researching protective bubbles to put Mollie into. 

I support the plan.

Thursday, February 14, 2013


I am so sorry I have been a terrible blogger.
Working full time.
Being a mom.
Trying to exercise.
Trying to make dinner.
Trying to be a good wife.
Trying to be a good friend.
Trying to be a good dog mom.
Trying to keep my house from looking like a war torn country.

All of that has knocked me on my butt.

And now, my baby has been knocked on her butt. Figuratively.

She has her first daycare illness. It was bound to happen. I dropped her off yesterday and she was a bit off, a runny nose, sneezy, a few coughs.

I picked her up and she was in tough shape. Coughing a lot, sneezing, and the worst part, she lost her voice. I didn't realize babies could lose their voices, but it turns out they can. I used to cringe when she cried. Now I just want her to be able to scream and cry again.

We took her to the pediatrician last night and she was diagnosed with RSV. RSV is basically a really, really bad cold. She will be fine.

I remember when I was young, my sister accidentally slammed my fingers in the car door. When we got to the doctor, she was crying so hard, and I was not, that the doctor was confused about which one was injured. That is basically how Mollie's sickness has gone.

I was crying. Mollie was smiling.

We left the pediatrician at 8:30 pm last night and drove home. We were starving and I was crying (there is basically no worse feeling than having a sick child). Unsure of what to do, Jeremy drove through Wendy's because we needed food and it was the only thing nearby.
We ordred food.
Jeremy paid.
And then drove away.
Without the food.

It was a long night. And there was a crying baby, and a crying wife in the car. And then my tears turned from....MY BABY IS LEFT WITHOUT THE FOOOODDDDDDD....

Long night.

Sunday, February 3, 2013

Here goes...

Tomorrow is the big day.

Back to work.

So ends the longest, fastest, best, most life altering, frustrating, incredible, hardest and absolute happiest ...12 weeks of my life.

I have absolutely no idea how I will make it through the day without my baby.

She is in the best hands at daycare. She will be fine. I will not.

Oprah has this phrase that she used to always say...."do your eyes light up when you see your child?" How could they not. My heart lights up when I see my child.

Wish me luck.