Tuesday, March 5, 2013

Aw Sh*&

When you become a parent you think it's going to be all about love, and snuggles, sleepless nights and smiles in the morning.

It's really all about poop.

Did they poop too much?
Did they poop too little?
Does this poop look okay?
Is it too brown/black/green/orange/foamy/stinky/stringy/seedy?
Did they poop on me?
Did they poop on their outfit?
Did they poop so much on their outfit that it needs to be changed...or is an acceptable level of poopage?

These are the hard hitting issues that become the obsession of parents around the world.

Or at least around my house.

Yesterday was Mollie's first day back at daycare (woo hoo!!!).

We picked her up and one of the girls had a big wet spot on her shirt and seemed less than pleased. I picked up Mollie's daily sheet and reviewed it. 

12:30: Shart
2:45: Poop
4:40: Blowout

Apparently this was not just any 'ol blowout. All parents are familiar with the simple blowout. The change the diaper and onesie, run of the mill, blowout.

This was not that blowout.

This was the up the arms, on her neck, down her legs blowout.

My kid has skills.

She sharts. She poops up to her neck. She has a blowout so bad they need to give her a bath at daycare.

Have I mentioned that she is very advanced?

And super feminine.

There are few things in life more embarrassing than apologizing to the daycare worker who has your child's poo all over them. 

3 comments:

KRISTIN said...

without a doubt my favorite post to date.

Anonymous said...

I am sitting here at work, and needed a break. Thank you for your last blog post. I just burst out laughing.

I am so sorry you had to go through that awful RSV experience with Mollie! I'm glad she is ok. Whew!

Laura Hansen said...

Hahaha! I totally hear you... Calvin may have gone home from daycare last week wearing nothing but pants and a bib after his second blow out of the day (gotta love my little Chippendale!), but he hasn't needed a bath at daycare yet! Hilarious!