I had a tough maternity leave. I was lonely. I was scared. I missed working. I missed adults. But in the end, I really, really adored this little being that we decided to name Mollie. I loved her so much that I didn't want to be away from her for even a moment. But I also wanted to work. Not just needed, but also wanted to work. And I felt like a terrible mom because I wanted to go back to work. But I also didn't want to be away from my baby for even a moment.
In the weeks leading up to my return to work I cried every day because I didn't want to let go of Mollie. The day before I went back to work I had an all out breakdown, screaming and crying to my mom and I was about one phone call away from quitting my job.
And then I got this email from my best friend's sister. And it changed my perspective entirely.
I think you’re going back to work this week, and I just wanted to wish you luck. I remember going back for the first time, and it felt like I had left my heart somewhere else. Crying on the way to work, still not quite sleeping enough, trying to get out of the house in time, wondering if it would ever get easier, and eating lunch out for the first time sitting down at a normal human pace.
It does get easier…and more rewarding…and more important as the kiddos get older and realize their mom has a life and a brain too.
Take care and let me know if you need anything!
She nailed it. She captured everything I was feeling in one short email. I read this email about 762 times. It was like my mantra. I would repeat to myself...."…and more important as the kiddos get older and realize their mom has a life and a brain too."
I clung to these words, and I still do.
At least once a day I want to run out of my office and grab my daughter and hold her and tell her that I will never leave her again. But I do have a life, and a brain, and she's in an amazing daycare, with incredible caregivers, and they are WAY more fun than I would be at home with her. And I tell you this, there is no better part of my day than the moment I see her face at the end of the day. Every work stress melts away.
And I feel like I've got it all.
For me, working is the right decision (most days).
And then there are days when I see that she is being "Extra Diva-licious" and want to run right over and pick up my little Diva nugget and play with her.
And then I wait for the weekends so we can hug and cuddle and play. And it makes those times oh-so-sweet.
Tomorrow...I will share my sister's thoughts on the same topic as she just went back to work after having her twins.